Moving to high school for neuro-divergent young people

The move from Year 6 to high school is a significant milestone in any young person’s life — and it’s not just them who feel this shift. For parents and carers, this transition can stir up a mix of pride, anxiety, and uncertainty. 

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A lot of the challenges and themes that cause stress and worry for families and young people are the same across the board, but for young neurodivergent people there are additional, unique mental health and sensory considerations, and acknowledging these and thinking about how to support them early on can make a huge difference.

 

Although this article is similar to one I recently wrote I have applied a neurodivergent informed lens in this one to offer some ideas, practical and emotional strategies to help both young people and their parents or carers to prepare.  It might even be helpful to read through this together.

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I’ve focused on some key headings: creating a sense of predictability; managing overwhelm, supporting social transition, navigating sensory challenges and keeping an eye on mental health.

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1. Creating a sense of predictability ​ ​​​

Often, one of the biggest stressors is change.  With change comes unfamiliarity and this doesn't feel safe.  Hopefully you have been able to attend the new school setting as part of a transition plan.  Even so, it is likely that the transition day(s) were still not enough to equip you/your young person with enough confidence as to what to expect. 

 

Between now and term start it might help to:

• Look at the school website together and/or pictures that come up online of the building, classrooms, outdoor space, toilets etc

• Travel to the school a few times over the holidays so both the route and the buildings (from the outside) feel more familiar

• Some schools have holiday clubs running, visiting during one of these might help as you can have access inside to increase experience being there 

• Ask your young person how much they remember about the new environment from time spent there, it could be fun to create a model or drawing to map out what they can recall from memory.  Then they can add to this during their first couple of weeks as they locate other parts of their new spaces

• Create an example visual timetable based on information from the website.  This can be expanded into:

  • Discussing how many subjects will be on offer in each day, what the different subjects might be, what feels really interesting, which are they unsure about

  • Talking about the types of equipment they will need in their bags that is different to primary school

  • Thinking about moving around from one room to another, what will that feel like, what will be helpful to them

  • Considering what break times will be like and what they might like to do

  • Reinforcing where their safe spaces are in the new environment and any named adults they may already be aware of as key people to use for support

 

Remind them that every new Year 7 will be experiencing this huge change, having a timetable will be something everybody has to take time to get used to in their own ways

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Parents and carers  

The move to High School will create different feelings for you too, it’s okay to acknowledge these.  You can lead by example and let your young person see that change and transition are a normal part of life and feeling nervous or unsure are perfectly appropriate emotions to have.  

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Young people pick up on the vibe of their close adults, so take the opportunity to model reassurance, calmness and positivity.
 

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2. Managing overwhelm

Feeling nervous about change is very normal.  A good way to help manage those nerves is to feel prepared.  This can be a challenge when everything is so new, so creating a sense of control for what is in your direct influence can really help decrease stress.

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For young people

It might help to:

• Build a plan to make the first day feel more manageable, maybe introduce this 1-2 weeks before so there is an opportunity to make it feel more routine like:

  • Your wake-up time

  • A list of what clothes you’ll put on

  • The order of when things will happen (get out of bed, take pj’s off, put school clothes on, brush teeth, go on the toilet, wash hands, brush hair, go for breakfast etc)

  • What time you will leave the house, how you’ll get to school

  • What time you’ll arrive at school, where you’ll go first

  • What time you’ll leave school in the afternoon to come home

  • What will you do when you’re home

• Try your uniform on - Sometimes new clothes and materials can feel uncomfortable and annoying, so the more you can wear these clothes, the more normal they will feel and the more relaxed you’ll be in them

  • You might be wearing a shirt for the first time, or even a tie  

  • You might have a jumper that’s a different kind of material to your primary school one

  • Buttons, zips and laces might look and feel different on your new tops, trousers/skirts/shorts and shoes.  Try these on so you get used to the feel of them, especially shoes, wear them as much as you can so they feel nice around your feet

  • Your PE kit might have long socks which are different to what you usually wear, maybe you need to have a mouthguard for sports like hockey/rugby which can feel very odd.  

  • Try all of your new clothes and equipment out lots and lots of times so they feel more ordinary when school starts.  

• Take a transitional object - this is something comforting that comes from home:

  • It can be easily stored in a bag or trouser/skirt/coat pocket

  • It helps you to feel calm

  • It reminds you of positive things or an important person to help when you feel a build up of stress

• Prepare your own bag - get everything you need packed up so you’re not creating stress rushing around in the morning.  Familiarise yourself with where all of your equipment is so you don’t feel flustered trying to find things

• Create a relaxing bedtime routine - have a lovely bath/shower, listen to your favourite music, watch your favourite TV/Films, chat with friends about what you are looking forward to.  Limit screens for at least one hour before bed (SORRY!!), this will help you get a better rest

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For parents and carers

In the lead-up:

• => identify what accommodations you need to make

  • Plan new routines - as much as there are changes for young people, a different school can create change for adults too - you might have an additional school day to prepare for or an extra school drop-off to manage, which could impact on your morning plans.  Think these through and prepare in advance to help manage your own associated stress, for example is it possible to have a slightly lighter load yourself that week so you can feel more available to support the first few transitional days for your young person?

  • Be a positive voice - Often when talking about high school we focus on what young people might be worried about, focus on the fun aspects of high school like the different clubs available, possibility of new friendships or even new subjects you know your young person is interested in.  Create a ‘buzz’

  • Encourage good sleep hygiene - particularly in the 1-2 weeks before term start, support them to have a consistent bedtime and promote a calm approach to ‘lights out’ with as little ‘blue light’ interference (mobiles etc) as possible

 

In the days/night before:

• => keep calm and upbeat, be prepared

  • Your mood affects your young person.  Even if you feel unsettled, remain as much on brighter, lighter topics as you can

  • Support your young person to prepare their own bag/clothing in advance of the morning of term.  This will help to instil the habit that they are responsible for their equipment and ensuring they know where everything is for themselves

  • Plan a nice breakfast or agree an exciting tea that evening; having something to look forward to can help with nervousness

  • Try to build in extra time for getting to school or a drop-off point, last minute rushing around will only create stress and tension for all of you 

 

Another article that might interest you which looks in more detail at managing anxiety is: https://www.thelisteninglane.com/i-feel-anxious 

 

3. Supporting social transition 

One of the biggest stressors for young people starting high school is the amount of people that will be there in general as well as having to meet new people, trying to make friends, dealing with lots of new environments.

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For young people

Firstly, you can allow yourself to feel worried or unsure. 

It’s perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed when thinking about moving up to high school.

There are new teachers, new class mates, moving around from place to place to a new timetable, more homework - it’s a lot!! 

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• Talk about what’s new -  social transition isn’t just about friendships, so extending preparation discussions to include the following areas can be helpful

  • Having different teachers for different subjects - this is a big change from primary school.  There may be names/photos on school websites of key adults that you can look at

  • Moving in busy corridors to get from room to room within a specific time frame.  This can create stress, not knowing where everything is at first and needing to get there quickly … 

  • Experiencing a lot more people around you, which comes with a lot more noise.  Maybe wearing headphones or loops could help if that noise and busyness is too much

  • Eating snacks or lunch in busier environments - such as a canteen or an outdoor space. 

• Practise social scripts - rehearsing simple phrases can help you to feel more confident when meeting new people

  • You can practise these on your own in front of a mirror or with a trusted person, like a parent, sibling or friend:

    • “Hi, I’m <name>, it’s my first day too”

    • “I’m not keen on crowds, shall we find a quiet space together?”

    • “Is this space free?  Can I sit with you?”

    • “I’m not sure where everything is yet, can I come along with you?”

    • “I like your bag/shoes/lunch box, where did you get it?”

    • “Do you like <ask about a hobby/tv show/animals>etc?”

    • “What are you playing?  Can I join in?”

    • “Do you want to hang out at break times?”

    • “It was nice talking to you, but I have to go now, I’ll see you later”

• Know some key ‘friendship’ rules - sometimes it can be really hard to know what to say or how to behave and often young people can really want to get this ‘right’.  Honestly, there isn’t really one specific ‘right’ way, but these tips might be helpful to hold in mind:

  • Take turns in conversation => if you notice you have spoken a lot, ask the other person/people what they think, or invite them to talk about something

  • Personal space => you might like lots of space around you, give other people some physical space too.  Ask permission to touch belongings

  • Friendly v. unkind => teasing is common in friendships but if this doesn’t feel nice or upsets you, tell the person so they know not to repeat this

  • Look for help => if something doesn’t feel right with someone, ask a trusted adult for guidance

• Join some clubs - High school often has more clubs during lunches or after school than primary does.  You might find that there is something on offer in line with one of your own big hobbies or interests and by joining the school club, you’ll naturally meet like-minded people

• Ask for help - there is nothing wrong with asking for help, whether in a class with an adult or in a group of young people.  By asking for help and telling when you don’t understand something, you give people the chance to explain something to you differently, which will be a benefit to both of you

  • “I’m not sure what to do, can you help please?”

  • “I don’t know where to go next, where is <add room in>?”

  • “Can you explain that again please, I don’t understand”

  • “What are the rules of this game?”

• You do you - your thoughts and feelings are just as valid as everybody else’s:

  • It is okay if you need quiet time or physical space away from others at school

  • After school, you might want to have time in a safe, calm place (such as a bedroom/garden etc) so you can let your stress levels return to a more normal place for you

  • It will be helpful for you to share this with your family so they know how best to support you and help you have some come-down time

 

You don’t need to fit in or force yourself to be like everybody else

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For parents and carers

As parents and carers, we want the best for our young people.  We really want their experience at high school to be an overall positive one, but we have to acknowledge there will be challenges and upsets along the way, which will likely bring stress and tension to you too.

 

• You can’t control what happens when your young person starts Year 7 but you can show up in productive ways that can help influence things positively:

  • Offer steady presence - listen to their experiences, from their perspective.  Some of what they talk about may feel superficial or ‘not a big deal’ with your adult head but for them it is significant and meaningful.

  • Encourage independence - offer thoughtful guidance and options but steer away from ‘micro-managing’.  They may benefit from more help with time management as they experience greater loads of home-work and competing deadlines

  • Model healthy coping mechanisms - help them to develop a variety of skills that promotes calm in the face of overwhelm, this could be things like:

    • Mindfulness apps for teens (such as 'Calm', 'Smiling Mind' or 'Headspace')

    • Journalling or creative arts

    • Walking/outdoor time

    • Listening to music

    • Breathing exercises (such as on the 'Breathwrk' app)

    • Positive social time with friends (online and in-person)

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Another article that might interest you which looks at more strategies for creating calm is: https://www.thelisteninglane.com/slowing-down-breathing-feeling-calm

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4. Navigating sensory overload 

High schools are bigger, more populated and therefore noisier than most primary schools.  There is a lot more moving about the whole school environment, more independence required from students and more expectations on them.  

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However high schools can often offer more from a pastoral care perspective.  They usually have a wide variety of strategies available to make appropriate adjustments, supporting neurodivergent students who need accommodations to help them thrive alongside any other young person.  

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If your young person has an EHCP, the school is bound by law to make sure that the provision outlined in there is upheld, don’t be afraid to challenge leadership and hold them to account to have the necessary things in place.

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Being more sensitive to sensory inputs is pretty common so you and your young person probably already have a bunch of strategies that you use to help manage the things that can tip them into overwhelm. 

 

It might be helpful to think about what additional (and not as yet experienced) things could impact your young person:

• Hallways & staircases that are loud and busy, filled with people jostling from multiple directions

• Classrooms that are either too hot or too cold and have busy walls

• Bright or harsh lighting, especially in tech rooms (Food, Design & Technology, Science)

• Large groups in break and lunch areas - likely to be noisy and chaotic

 

If not already organised with school, there may be opportunities to have:

• Early access to school before the majority of students arrive, particularly the buses

• Early dismissal from class to avoid crowds at break or lunch times and at the end of the day

• Time out cards to give permission and a quick exit from class if things are building up too much

• Access to a calm, quiet space - usually near the pastoral or safeguarding personnel

 

Top Tip!  Create a ‘Help’ card that you can laminate and your young person can keep in their school bag.  This can outline what is the most useful thing for a safe adult to do when they are overwhelmed and unable to verbalise for themselves

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5. Keeping an eye on mental health

Many young people, of all neuro types, may struggle to verbalise their feelings when they are not feeling okay.  They are also more likely to seek support from peers so it might not always be you as a parent/carer who they come to in the first instance.  

 

These are some ideas to look out for which may indicate that there are some problems bubbling and that your young person might benefit from some support:

• Keep a track on behaviour shifts - this age group are changing & developing regularly, but you may notice swings from what you’d usually expect such as changes to/in:

  • sleep patterns

  • eating habits

  • scales of irritability

  • emotional shutdowns/withdrawals/meltdowns

  • avoidance of things they previously enjoyed 

  • masking behaviours 

• regressing to behaviours you’d associate with them when they were younger

 

As a parent/carer, trust your instincts.  If something feels off, it probably is.

 

Low-pressure check-in’s can be really helpful.  They’re less confrontational, don’t put anybody on the spot and don’t rely on an in-person conversation.  Some tactics to employ could be:

• texting/whatsapp’ing

• sharing a journal or notebook which you can each write in

• having a visual mood tracker or a daily rating scale

• place a stack of post-it’s so little notes can be jotted down (it doesn’t have to be loads of writing so post-it’s can be more encouraging than notebooks because they’re not too big) 

  • You can create a visual chart so they can put the post-it with their word(s) on in a column - I’m ok, I need help, I need rest or whatever headings are more fitting

 

Always give your young person an opt-out.  If you get into a conversation online or in-person and they become distressed, pause and regroup later.  

This is really tough because you will of course want to know what’s going on.  However, when you or they move out of that calm headspace, any continued conversation isn’t likely to be high quality or get the outcomes that you/they want.

 

In summary, preparing for the move into High School is a big step for everyone.  

There are multiple stresses and strains that affect young people and their adults in different ways.  For neurodivergent young people, the more predictability that can be created, the more likely they will tolerate changes better.  Remember, everything feels new to everyone for the first week or two, then spaces & faces all become much more familiar.  

 

This article has hopefully offered some practical strategies to help support families and some thoughts to help create conversations at home which will further help prepare everyone as much as possible.